Antusiasme & Logika

Bagiku kekaguman adalah bentuk antusiasme paling tinggi. Kekaguman bahkan melampaui batas batas hak dan tanggung jawab. Kekaguman adalah bentuk yang lebih mudah di definisikan dari jatuh cinta yang terlalu subyektif dan abstrak. Kekaguman mudah diselaraskan pahamnya, bentuknya lebih fleksibel dan tak mengikat. Begini, kekaguman adalah rasa ketertarikan secara subyektif, kekaguman adalah penyakit gila yang ringan. Cara-cara kagum pun lebih variatif karena kekaguman hanya sebuah ungkapan rasa. Kekaguman tak egois, tak melulu ingin memiliki dan ingin dibalas. Fase kagum malahan lebih mendebarkan dan menggemaskan, ketika kau memandangnya dari kejauhan, meresapi indahnya dalam kegelapan, mendoakannya setiap malam. Sementara dengan kerelaan kau biarkan waktu yang menjadi fasilitas, walau memilikinya saja tak pernah terlintas. Lalu, jatuh cinta. Ah, aku tak ahli berbicara dengannya, karena dalam jatuh cinta pengalamanku selalu pahit dan sepah. Entah karena waktu itu aku tak sedewasa

Sungguh, beberapa faktor yang membuatku lebih dapat jatuh pada seseorang adalah isi kepalanya dan apa yang jadi tabiat diluarnya. Karena bentuk dan lekuk tubuh suatu saat akan melayu dan rapuh. Kulit dan rambut yang kau rawat dengan jutaan rupiah suatu saat akan berkerut dan tanggal. Bentuk idealmu juga akan hilang, perutmu akan buncit, berlemak dan bergelambir. Tua nanti tulang pun tak sanggup lagi menopang bebannya. Suatu saat kita akan menopause, tak lagi bergairah seperti waktu muda. Lalu apa yang bisa di nikmati bersama berdua? Itulah mengapa aku lebih jatuh cinta dengan individu dengan ragam perspektif, dengan pikiran yang terbuka, tabiat yang santun dan berwawasan. Nanti, suatu pagi kau orang pertama yang akan aku ajak bicara bersama dengan kopi yang kau aduk untukku. Kita akan bicara masalah banyak hal, mungkin tentang kapitalisme, anarko-sindikalis, marx, hegel, lenin, stalin, adam smith, das kapital, madilog, Mein Kampf dan bagaimana carut-marutnya pemerintah nanti. Bis

Almost a week 'till today, I have been minimizing the daily dose of toxicity, but no, it ain't about smoke or alcohol, all I talk about is social media. I've been limiting Instagram with its feature, max two hours a day, limiting twitter with uninstalling it, and I'll open in web version if very necessary. You know, our living standards are disorientated because of it, can't lie, I'm a bit affected, sometimes I look down on myself because of other people accomplishment, the feelings kinda like hatred. On me and other people. I don't like their content because its fucking narcissistic for example, then the hatred tear down my energy, I feel unrelaxed and keep questioning why someone even does that shit. The other side, sometimes I feel offended with their comments, I feel offended with some stuff declining my point of view of something. And this stuff makes me think that, okay, social media is the way you express yourself, it's all your prerogative

I don't care about attention, I'm here to express, not to impress. Lately, I've been publishing a bit different content than usual. I write this content not because I want to show you what I am capable of, I write this to improve myself, but the readers of this site send me an email that state they don't want me to write this kind of content, they want the usual content about love shit and stuff. Listen, it is not the content that defines me, but I define the content. I don't like when people adore my works because of 'me' as an individual, not because of the quality in my content and works. Hey, I really trained a lot to write, to photograph, to make videos, to operate programs. I read a lot of books, I spend a lot of time in front of tutorials, I tried to make, and I fail a lot. But at least I learn something, talent is bullshit, hard work and consistency is the key. So, please adore my works, don't praise me, just enjoy what I create. It'

Lately, the usual feelings of me exaggeratedly excited in life became extinguished little by little. Living day by day make me realize that life is really doesn't make any sense. Recently, I always wondering about the most exact meaning of friendship. Does friendship means you must sacrifice your own style of getting into people? You must go around like a gang? You must always look together and declaring that you will miss them when they are not around? Hell no, an introverted ass like me who likes individual stuff and spending a lot of time by myself doesn't agree with each of their ideas. Friendship is a lot purer than just hanging around together, the fundamental factor of friendship is understanding the character. You have to know their individual behaviors, how they treat themselves, the way they think, what are they interested in. So, create a space, don't turn your circle into a jail, don't own them. Please be wise about having a personal relationship

From this moment, I tried to write this blog in English. Despite to improve my own capability of writing in English, I'm kinda bored and needed something new yet different. Okay, let's say. Nowadays, things keep runnin' around in my head, dunno, but I feel kinda lonely. Ever wondering why I like metal songs so much? Because they make my surroundings fulfilled with things I can't explain. It helps me to maintain my anxiety to become exploded and gone crazy. I'm sure every person have their own mental issues. And every person has their own solution to breakthrough it. But, here is me, trying to look good and happy, work hard to nailing every problems that come and go, standing firm with a bleeding heart, heads up with a lot of tears. Sounds of anxiety is louder than thunder, it keeps me awake every night, stabbing me continuously. I tried to release the pain to music, poems, photography, editing some kinds of stuff. And yeah, it keeps me alive and proud until t

Sedang masuki fase spasi, membutuhkan ruang diantara torehan kata yang terpaksa kutulis dengan tinta bernama kehidupan. Paragraf kehidupan kutulis terlalu cepat, jiwaku terdesak-desak kalimat yang tertulis acak. Lalu momen yang datang kebetulan tepat, kuputuskan berhenti sejenak, sebelum kalimat yang akan kutulis selanjutnya, kusematkan spasi. Aku yakin, beberapa individu menyadari anehnya kehidupan. Mempertanyakan tujuan apa yang benar-benar nyata untuk dikejar. Uang, pasangan, mapan atau masuk ke surgaNya? apa yang benar-benar nyata dan tidak, semu sangat bias pemaknaannya. Lalu spasi kupilih, sebagai tanda akan persiapan untuk kalimat selanjutnya. Uang : secara subyektif aku mulai khawatir dengan stabilitas finansial, ketika nanti ayahku almarhum yang kapanpun bisa terjadi, aku akan jadi tulang punggung keluarga, akulah yang harus menanggung nama baik keluarga dan jadi penentu akan selamat atau tidaknya keluarga yang di bangun susah payah oleh ayahku. Ibuku mulai tua, tak b